Soooo. I have tons of things to be thankful for and I need to remind myself of that. My family definitely tops the list.
My oldest niece, the 16 year old soccer star— a certain Brianna Scurry in the future– became very upset at the end of each IVF cycle. When I wasn’t pregnant this last time, M (the neice) said, “It’s not fair!” and she offered to have a baby for my partner and me. I love that she honestly wants to do that for us– of course I would not let her. Can you just see my beautiful pregnant neice trying to continue on the soccer team? And I am sure her boyfriend would be less than thrilled about the possibility. How would she get her full-ride soccer scholarship if she were knocked up with my child!? So thoughtful.
Then there is my other neice– the genius. Baby A is brilliant and quite athletic to boot! However, she has no real interest in completing any of the sports endeavors she begins. She can earn a spot on the cheerleading squad (and did for 2 years) but after the accomplishment is earned– she’s bored. Poor child. She really is very much like me. And she plans to be valadictorian– of course she will. However, I doubt she will have a child for me. She went into deep contemplation about HJ and I having a child together. She had to decide if she could support such a thing. I love that everything has to run through her moral filter. And I love that in the end she decided that she can love and support any child we might create. Precious.
Then there are my parents…. my sweet WASP parents. Mom and I can pretty much talk about anything, although, she sometimes struggles to accept my life choices and my perspectives. My father is another issue. He is a wonderful, gentle, caring man (since he retired mind you) who really chooses to bury his head in the sand a good portion of the time. He doesn’t talk about sex, has difficulty talking about feelings and is resolute in his decision not to define my relationship with HJ. She is welcome at family dinners and every holiday. We sleep in the same bed and bought a house together but dad chooses not to consider the reason she is 1st and foremost in my life. he he.
So back when I was briefly pregnant, HJ and I sat my parents down to tell them that they would soon be grandparents again (or so we thought). My mom cried as we expected and was soon hugging us both. My father was the real surprise. He went straight to giving us advice about how our lives would never be the same again and that our priorities would drastically change now. He was so supportive— like he would have been if HJ were a husband and we were expecting a child. Both my WASPy, past generation parents made a swift jump to “Okay my lesbian daughter wants a child… so do we.” Then they both grieved intently after the miscarriage. Now they both intently follow our attempts at procreation. My father still has information overload with the IVF process so my mom filters information to him…. and we all feel pretty comfortable with the process. 🙂