Request for the universe

Dear Universe (or calendar-makers or whatever),

Please allow me to submit my formal request to cancel Christmas this year. Circumstances being what they are, it is my fervent belief that a festive holiday is simply too much pressure to place on most of us and we would all be best-served by simply skipping forward to January 1. What we all need is a new year to wipe away the dashed hopes and myriad disappointments of the past year.

Politically this year hinted at impressive gains. Several states allowed gays the right to marry: then these gains were cruelly broken by evil Prop 8. Additionally, we all felt intense commitment to “our candidate” followed by jubilation at his win. Now out belief in the man have once again been crushed at his clear lack of support for our people.

Economically, really what need I say about this area? Things are not good and so many fear loss of employment, making holiday jubilation feel sham-like.

Personally, I was gearing up for IVF at this point last year : We had such high hopes. That cycle was followed by 9 1/2 or pure bliss. I loved the fact that I found out I was pregnant on my 35th birthday! I can still hear the nurse calling and saying “You’re going to be a mamma!” HJ and I laughed and cried and celebrated with friends. Such joy!! I think that fate was cruel to let me find out about the miscarriage on St. Patrick’s Day. Holidays have just lost their sparkle this year. Since then, other holidays have come and gone. IVF #2 was a bust. HJ’s IUIs have thus far been unsuccessful and honestly ttc is exhausting.

I have done my part in honor of yule time. I have tried to stay positive and calm. I have greeted each holiday in the expected manner. I have congratulated other women as they have gotten pregnant. I decorated for Christmas. I provided presents for needy families. I baked cookies and bought presents for the family. I keep Christmas music playing in my car (when I am not listening to NPR) and I even participated in the Secret Santa program at work. But really, my heart is not in this season. I’m tired and I am simply biding my time until the new year.

So you see Universe, I and so many others need a break. If we could simply fast forward past Christmas, the pressure to be jolly and celebrations filled with pleasant smiles resolutely plastered on our faces, we would all feel…relief.

Unless of course, you plan to shake things up at the close of this year. If you decide to bring us BFPs for Christmas (in addition to a rising economy and a president-to-be who plans to govern with actual fairness in mind), I would ask that you respectfully disregard my request and just bring on the good stuff instead!

Thank you for your benevolent consideration,

C

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