Careful non-attention

This is my plan for how I will spend my 2ww. I monitor my thoughts most all the time and simply refuse rumination.

I acknowledge the presence of FEAR yet I simply greet him and say “Ah, I know you. Now run along. Mommy is too busy to play with you today.”

Joy and Hope, however, are welcome to hang around. We talk. We laugh. We dream. But soon enough I also tell them to just sit quietly near me so that I can go about my day.

I’m good, really. I am staying in the present moment and looking expectantly to the future. My RE once said that when IVF is done, “We expect pregnancy.” So that is the place where I exist. I am expecting my miracle on this cycle.

I pray, alot. But I do not plead. I simply talk with the Divine and he (she/it) assures me that we are cool.

I also meditate. First I meditate to maintain my calm centered state. Secondly, I meditate and visualize my body and my embryos doing their thing. Mostly this works.

Physically, I do have some symptoms. The nips are sore. I am tired (so very tired) and I have a slight fever… But I know that all these can be caused by the progesterone in oil… so I go back to existing in the moment.I am practicing the art of “just being.”

This whole process rather reminds me of being in the room with a fear-aggressive dog. Don’t make eye-contact. Be calm. Speak softly but confidently. Whatever you do, DO NOT look directly at the dog and make sure that you never offer up your soft, fearful underbelly.



Filed under IVF #3

6 responses to “Careful non-attention

  1. reproducinggenius

    It sounds like you’re doing all the right things to keep your hope and your sanity, and I so hope this is it for you.

  2. anofferingoflove

    i’m with your RE, i’m expecting a pregnancy for you too!! 😀 i love the dog analogy – how very true!

  3. Next in Line

    I am getting closer to the TWW and am very scared of losing my mind. I am going to do my best to copy cat you.

  4. insertmetaphor

    Yes, that’s a great mind set!

  5. Danielle

    you are a wise wise woman… D

  6. eeney meeney miney mommy

    I love the dog analogy too. So true, so true. Hold on to this plan and remember to come back and read this post when/if you start to feel the slip. I think this plan will serve you well. Wishing, hoping, praying for you!

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