I cannot say enough “thank yous” for all the wonderful supportive comments you all have made in the past few days. Each comment helped my heart more than I can express.

Clearly I was going out of my mind so I had my doctor do a beta. The results show that I have no HCG in my body… none… zero… not pregnant, again.

Of course I am sad. I have to ask myself at this point if I will ever be able to have a biological child. Frankly I don’t think so and I don’t know what not having a child will do to my identity, who I always imagined that I would end up being. So I have an appointment with a therapist specializing in infertility issues, and I will see her tomorrow night.

My partner is more than willing to try to get pregnant but her confidence is also shaken after 3 failed IUIs (hers) and 3 failed IVFs (mine). We are going to hang out and rethink our plans for a while.

Lastly, we also just got word that HJ’s department is on the list of “potential eliminations” at her place of employment. We will not know the outcome until March 20th. Yikes! Perhaps now is the time I will lose the extra pounds I have put on through my IVF triathlon.



Filed under IVF #3 closure

9 responses to “Ok..seriously

  1. Dagny

    I’m so sorry. :(((((gentle hugs)))) to you both.xoxoxo

  2. Jackie

    I’m really sorry! I hope all things work out!

  3. Danielle

    you are both in my thoughts and in my heart.D

  4. anofferingoflove

    oh cindy, i am absolutely devastated for you. i am so, so sorry. i know there isn’t much in the way of consolation right now, but i have faith your baby will come to you, one way or another, and you will be a fantastic momma.sending you big hugs.

  5. eeney meeney miney mommy

    Cindy, I wish there was some way to take away your heartache. I wanted so much for this to work out for you and I am very sorry to hear this sad news. Please take care of yourself and cut yourself some slack. You have done an amazing job and worked so hard. You have done all that you could and you should be proud of your efforts and dedication to this. I hope that new door of opportunity presents itself to you very soon as I know it will. Much love to you both.

  6. tbean

    I’m so sorry. 😦

  7. queerstork

    I’m just so sorry. I wish it could have been different.

  8. Victoria

    Darn! I wanted it to work for you. A warm hug.

  9. insertmetaphor

    I’m so sorry about the beta.

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