Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

Today, I am working on several grant-related reports, have edited a journal article for J, and have given great thought to the idea of the Scrodinger’s cat debate.

I am working really hard not to think about my RE appointment on this day last year. Early morning, lying on the ultrasound table, J touching my foot (no room near my hands), the ultrasound tech pressing harder and harder on my abdomen.. searching for the heartbeat, the room deathly quiet, the monitor abruptly turned off with no pictures of the baby, the RE saying “fetal demise”, scheduling a D & C, sobbing, asking the nurse to help us find a back way out because I could not be “that woman”– the one we have all seen leaving the RE’s office crying as her grim-looking partner struggled to face his/her own grief and provide support at the same time.

Nope. Not thinking those thoughts. Considering whether a cat can be both alive and dead at the same time and if observation makes the difference.



Filed under what was lost

9 responses to “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

  1. anofferingoflove

    oh cindy, i am so very sorry. i am thinking of you today and will remember your loss with you. big, big hugs.

  2. Lizzie

    Big hugs & support. xoxo

  3. Danielle

    Big hugs my friend. Big giant slobbery hugs.D

  4. glamcookie

    I am so sorry. I hate that it is so hard for so many of us. Know that you are not alone. {{{}}}

  5. tbean

    So so sorry Cindy. Huge hugs.

  6. Victoria

    Memories… Thanks for sharing, I know more about your journey. It’s hard. You’re in my thoughts.

  7. poppycat

    Oh sweet one. That is so painful and understandably hard to forget. I hope someday very soon that memory is overshadowed by a bright and beautiful new memory.Love from seattle to you my southern friend.

  8. insertmetaphor

    Sending you love.

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