What would you do?

Assuming that this IUI does not work, we have a big decision to make. I really want every one’s input here since J and I keep going back and forth.

2 potential solutions to having a baby: 1) J does IVF then gives me (and maybe herself) some embryos to carry around 2) We use donor embryos.

Here are my thoughts:

  • J is 36 so her eggs are not totally fresh.
  • I got pregnant on IVF #1 then nothing in IVF #s 2 and 3. So although there are no obvious issues with my luteal phase, we have no guarantees that I will get preggers.
  • We could use 2 donor embryo attempts for the cost of using J’s embys in one or both of us.
  • While I would love to carry J’s baby, we are not utterly tied to the baby sharing our genetics.

The issues are confusing for me. Each path has its own set of good and bad points. When I make my list of pros and cons, I end up more confused rather than less so.

Best case scenario would be that J gets pregnant with this IUI then I could use donor eggs… best of both worlds but I have no control over her uterus. Thus I am in my current quandary.

Last night I was cleaning out my closet and I found the maternity clothes I bought back in the day. Most still had the tags on them. As I folded them, I had to decide where they should go: attic, Goodwill, stay in closet? I was overcome by a wave of sadness. I really want to have a baby so I am discarding most solutions that remove me completely from the picture. I neatly folded my clothes (along with my hopes) and stored them in my bottom dresser drawer.

So, your thoughts? Feel free to be completely honest.



Filed under IUI #4, next steps

5 responses to “What would you do?

  1. Dagny

    Let me think on that one.Ugh, I’m sorry that such decisions even have to get made.(((hugs)))and I’ll get back to you soon. ;)xoxo

  2. Danielle

    Ideally the thought of using J’s embryo’s sound so appealing and almost romantic or something in some sort of way…. Man how I wish that solution was what I’d recommend….The truth is I have no rhyme or reason, just my gut saying go Donor. I wish I had a better reason. No matter how much I like the concept of option A, option B is where I keep coming back to.Maybe it’s because I don’t want more disappointment spread between 2 people… was it her eggs? My body? what made it work or not work? By going straight up donor, there is no blame some how.Does that make sense?D

  3. cindyhoo2

    Totally D. I keep having those same sorts of thoughts then I go back to the romantic carrying J’s eggs thing. See the circular nature of my thoughts?!

  4. anofferingoflove

    well, normally i wouldn’t weigh in on such a personal decision, but since you asked… ;)i think i would try a cycle w/J’s eggs (assuming the doc thought she would respond well to the drugs based on her antral follicle count, etc). this is such a hard choice, i hope you are able to decision you and J are both comfortable with. (well, primarly i hope J’s IUI worked and this is all a moot discussion!)

  5. insertmetaphor

    This is such a difficult, personal decision. I’m really not sure what’s best. My first reaction, though, is to go with the donor embryos for 2 reasons: 1. it’s cheaper so you could have more tries and, 2. the eggs are younger and might give you a leg up. However, I’m my reasons are assessments from the outside without ties to the emotion and feelings and yearnings that you and J have. Good luck deciding. I am glad you kept the maternity clothes.

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