the cardinal of donor material.

Today J and I went for a consultation with the therapist our RE told us to see. Apparently she has to give us her blessing to use donor material. I went to the appointment with more than a little hostility about the matter, though I am not 100% sure why that may be. In any case, the office space she shares was a total 70’s shag carpet nightmare: totally reinforcing my sentiments that the lady would be a crackpot therapist. I also had a really strong urge to behave inappropriately in the waiting area. I imagined all sorts of compromising positions she could find J and I engaged in like poorly-manner teenagers.

Instead, we were greeted with a lovely, intuitive older woman. She shared a wealth of information about how donors are chosen, success rates, resources and etc. She asked us great questions and treated us with utmost respect. I ended the session wishing that this woman had been my real therapist when I needed one. For instance when I mentioned the miscarriage, this woman showed sympathy then said, “We really do a bad job of letting women know that about 1 in 3 pregnancies will end in miscarriage.” She was so warm and understanding. She seemed to understand infertility and the issues surrounding it. I loved that she did not feel the need to help me “come to terms” with my experiences or infuse me with false hope.

But, I am hopeful again. I hope we move up the donor lists quickly and I hope that J and I can maintain the amount of fun we have been enjoying in the past few days. Seems like this forced break is removing some pressure and allowing us to remember that we are a couple who is in love, not just a couple with an insanely frustrating goal.

BTW: happy 100th post to me.



Filed under donor eggs

12 responses to “the cardinal of donor material.

  1. glamcookie

    I’m so glad the therapist thing turned out to be of the good. Also that you and your partner are enjoying each other – that can be difficult in this whole TTC mess.Hoping you get the call soon!

  2. Lizzie

    this is great. i love it when the ‘hoops’ we have to jump through surprise us by being useful. and yay for you being a couple in love! xoxo

  3. poppycat

    Great to hear things are going well.

  4. Meredith

    You made me giggle with your description of all the inappropriate things you wanted to do in the waiting room. Apparently our doctors office now requires a psych consult as well.I’m so glad things are moving forward for you guys!

  5. insertmetaphor

    Oh good, I’m glad the therapist was intuitive and kind and not a crackpot! I’m a total sucker for warm therapist types who ask important questions and wear danskos and flowy pants. I’m glad too for the hope and your feeling more connected with J.

  6. tireegal68

    wow – love the shag pile. I would have been little miss hostile just like you! I am so glad it turned out well for you both and that you are enjoying each others’ company:)onward to the next phase – getting pregnant!

  7. A

    I’m so glad it was such a good experience for you. We also had to see a therepist to get the OK to use donor sperm and our lady wasn’t as good as yours. I tolerated her because I had to. She sounded wonderful.

  8. Danielle

    Incredible the little presents that the universe can provide to us to assure us we’re on the right path.You are on the right path my friend and I’m so glad that for today at least it’s a sunny one and you two can frolic and have fun.D

  9. Best When Used By

    What a gem your therapist turned out to be…despite her shag carpeting! I too giggled at your initial feelings of hositility and wanting to act out. Maybe, you know, it’s because we think: Why do WE need to see a therapist when all sorts of wacky people get knocked up and push strollers around, and THEY never had to see a therapist first?But really, I hope you move up the list quickly!

  10. Pufferfish

    NYU requires all couples using any type of donor product–eggs or sperm–go through a psych consult. Ours was over 3 hours, complete with a Myers Briggs personality test to make sure we weren’t serial killers or something. We were pretty miffed b/c it’s not like we’d be using donor sperm if we could produce it ourselves!!Ours, too, turned out to be a better experience than expected and I’m happy yours did, too.Now you have more waiting time…but it already sounds like you are putting it to good use and rediscovering each other as a couple–great news! I always say, you can’t change the break, so you might as well enjoy it!

  11. reproducinggenius

    Sometimes those forced breaks are just what we need to keep other parts of our lives in working order. I’m so glad the therapist was helpful and so glad things are progressing.

  12. iftobaby

    Before going to IVF, try home insemination with Conception Kit ( I’m a big fan and wish I had done it. Left another comment about it but wanted you to see this here too.

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