Oh how quickly the zen evaporates.
At first this semi-forced ttc break was good. I enjoyed hanging out with J and I liked the reduced pressure. Now I am restless. I want to DO something about growing our family. We are on the donor waiting lists… great, now what? I feel like calling *Amy” the egg lady every day to ask if we have moved up the list yet. But I doubt that is a good plan. J and I do have an appointment with the embryo lady later this week but that does not feel like enough. I feel like an addict looking for my next ttc fix. I think 2 years of perpetual pregnancy attempts have changed me in a bad way. I seem to be a constant multi-tasker now.
Welcome to my crazy brain:
- “Maybe we could do some IUIs while we wait.” Bad plan. J and I agreed that we would be able to save precious little money if we had to pay $1000 every month for sperm + IUI attempts. All of which have been unsuccessful, anyway.
- “Our friend M agreed to donate if we need him to. We could do some free home insems.” Really just let it go. My eggs are crap. Why would that work when IVF has not?
- “Well we can’t JUST SIT HERE.” We can, we will and we must.
It’s so odd. I am struggling with myself to just stay on this path which will likely work. However, my ID is impatient and wants to repeat useless things… insanity really. So I will try to just sit and breath.