Coming out to mom

Well sort of…

This weekend, J and I went to visit my parents. We had some very relaxed and pleasant days. Mom divided plants with me (a good thing with day lilies). We cooked tasty food and spent time with the whole family. We even drank excellent homemade margaritas.

Then at one point when we were alone, Mom fixed her gaze on me and said “So how are you doing really?” This was clearly a good time to come clean about the donor eggs if I ever planned to do so. My response: “Weeeellllll. much better now. We are moving in a bit of a new direction.” I explained the whole donor egg thing and the process. Mom asked questions but mostly looked as though I was explaining that J and I plan to get married in matching Elvis costumes on Mars. She looked dumbstruck for several long moments then said “Well I support you no matter what you do.” Then she launched into her newest theory that I did not get pregnant because the women in our family tend to go through early menopause. (This may sound cold but it is a serious step above telling me that it’s “God’s will.”) She also compared the donor egg process to “adoption but better” (her words not mine!). She is trying to “get it,” she really is. And I appreciate the effort, even as I shake my head and laugh.

Oh, and my cousin who is 1 year older than me had an announcement this weekend…… yep, she’s pregnant. No money, unstable marriage, lack of career goals…. sigh, but still a good weekend.

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18 Comments

Filed under donor eggs, waiting

18 responses to “Coming out to mom

  1. dragonflymama

    your description of your mom’s reaction and responses is priceless. keeping fingers crossed for you on the donor eggs–you two have been on a long road.ICLW

  2. Best When Used By

    You were brave to have the discussion with your Mom. And graceful in handling the “like adoption but better” comment. My mom struggled with the whole “intervention” concept too (at least as much as I told her). I think they try to understand. It’s just not part of their world. Sorry about the cousin. One more kick in the stomach for good measure. Thanks for the comments on my blog. You always crack me up and say just the right things.

  3. Stefanie

    I’m keeping my fingers crossed.Good luck~Stopping by for ICLW~

  4. wheresmy2lines

    You brave. I havent been able to tell my family yet, not sure why but I just cant deal with comments right now, but good on you! xxx

  5. Kristin

    I love that your mom is trying to understand. Good luck on your new path.

  6. anofferingoflove

    sounds like your mom is really trying, that’s about all we can ask/hope for. glad to hear you had a fun weekend – the homemade margaritas sound yummy! 🙂

  7. thebao

    Well good for your mom and her steps in the right direction, and good for you for focusing on the positive and finding the funny in the situation. I'm impressed & inspired!

  8. insertmetaphor

    Most things someone can say about this are better than “god’s will,” so yay for a step in the right direction! I’m glad the weekend was a good one. And I’m sorry about your cousin. Seriously, people need to STOP cutting in line to get pregnant. We’ve been here for too long!

  9. runamokamok

    It always seems to hurt a little bit more when women who aren’t trying to get pregnant, who aren’t mentally, physically or financially prepared for motherhood get pregnant. I tend to feel a little sorrier for myself about my useless uterus and a little angrier. And I find myself being rather petty feeling as if I’m smart, educated, in an emotionally and fiscally stable, loving relationship. So why does this uneducated, single or unstable relationship person, this person with little dreams, little potential and little ability to properly support get children. It does seem unfair but then I’m reminded that life is never fair.And eventually I will have my family and you will too.*ICLW*

  10. tireegal68

    i love that your mom asked you how you were doing really – you know the ” cut through the niceties line” – that’s impressive! You have a good attitude. Good on you for being brave and getting it out there! As for your cousin, seriously, does she have any manners? How RUDE!!!

  11. Pufferfish

    And I see we had similar weekends….at least with the unwanted family member pregnancy news.That’s great your mom asked you how you were really doing. My mom sees me once a year, was here for a week and never asked once.You are lucky.I hope your eggs come soon..

  12. Mrs. Gamgee

    those relatives that have the ‘unplanned’ surprises make me sad… I’m glad your mom is making the effort to understand.

  13. poppycat

    just occured to me after reading your post and a recent one from Pufferfish that I have been going about this TTC thing in the wrong way. It’s been my fault all along that this isn’t working. Here are my thoughts on a new plan – – loose job- move back in with my mother OR even better, move into my car- encourage Cat to get a drinking or drug problem- get a drinking or drug problem myself- start eating fast food three times a day- start smokingI think I should be pregnant in no time! 😉

  14. Jaymee

    my mom is having the same problem. we are running out the clock on pgd for my bleeding disorder and it looks like it is going nowhere. i am adopted, so i really do not understand her need for me to have a biological child, but she does.ILCW

  15. Busted Tube

    So many good wishes to you for a successful experience with the donor eggs! How brave of you for taking the time to talk with your mom about all the details. It sounds like she’s trying, but goodness I bet those comments aren’t fun to hear. Personally, I sure hate the ‘God’s will’ bit and the frequencey with which people who don’t want kids (or are not prepared to have them) get pregnant accidently drives me absolutely up the wall!!ICLW

  16. wifey

    Glad to hear that your mom is trying. Doesn’t it suck when it seems like everyone around us, who is in an icky situation, can get knocked up in a heartbeat? Ugh. If only there were fairness in the universe.

  17. Julie

    Laughing, laughing at “adoption but better” — because, really, what else is there to do?

  18. Dora

    I’m really impressed by your mom’s response. I’m expecting a meltdown from my mom when I tell her I’m pregnant as a single mom by choice (to be) via donor embryos. My plan is to have my BFF and her beautiful donor egg son with me as a buffer. Still, I’m dreading it.

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