Just not feeling it

J called yesterday and the clinic said that the lovely Brazilian eggs have gone to another couple. We are so disappointed. I am not all that surprised but still…

Amy, the egg lady, said that we are now 4th on the overall list. I guess people who only want blonds are back on the list for the next go-round. So the good news is that our relative position has moved from 5th to 4th. But the bad news is that we still have longer to wait. J has all sorts of conspiracy theories but I think that we just have to wait longer.

Even as I write “just” wait longer, it feels too small a thing to say. I might as well say that we just need to count the grains of sand along the coast of Florida or say that we should just create world peace or that I should just run a marathon. This task is no longer small. It is enormous and overwhelming. I feel as though we have been waiting an eternity. In fact I don’t feel a real connection to having a baby growing inside me at all right now. I want to imagine myself as a glowing mother feeling her baby kick and flip inside, feeling giddy with excitement, feeling complete. But what I feel right now is tired and doubt-filled. Can this dream ever happen for us?

I don’t want to end this post as such a downer but this is where I am today…. just freaking waiting some more. What do you think… should we just do an IVF with J’s eggs and as the carrying partner?



Filed under donor eggs, waiting

11 responses to “Just not feeling it

  1. insertmetaphor

    Nooo! That’s so disappointing, I’m so sorry. I can’t remember anymore what we were talking about but once my donor said to me “it’s just one month” in reference to a cycle (maybe having to wait one out or something) and it struck me how little he understood about the agony of this (even though he’s generally very understanding about most of this process). That is to say, I totally get what you’re saying about “just.” The wait makes you feel so far from the goal and that is a sad thing. I hope more Brazilian or Japanese eggs come up and all those white blond ladies ahead of you pass them by. I’m sorry you’re still waiting.

  2. glamcookie

    Damn it. I’m sorry you have another delay. In terms of the IVF with partners eggs, what does your RE say? I know a couple that did this and they are both just thrilled (of course ) with their adorable little daughter.Whichever way you decide to go, I hope it happens quickly for you. {{{}}}

  3. anofferingoflove

    crap. shit. fuck. im sorry the brazilian eggs slipped away from you. i dont know what to advise about moving forward with Js eggs instead. any word on what #4 might translate to in months?

  4. Pufferfish

    I’m so sorry the Brazilian goods are no longer available. It stinks to think you are so close and then left “just” waiting again. As for J’s eggs…yes, what does your RE say? And how old is J? Same age, 36? At the young end or nearing 37? I’d say if her reserve is good, they do some testing and find she’s good to go–you should try it.It really is a cool experience and you know she’s going to choose you as her recipient, so no more waiting:)

  5. In Due Time

    (((Hugs))) Waiting is the absolute worst thing about this journey. Hang in there honey, we’re here with you.

  6. tireegal68

    Oh pooh! that sucks about those eggs, big time. I agree with puffer fish about the ivf with your partner’s eggs. You could take a two pronged approach and do that while you wait – of course it’s more bloody money though.Sending hugs your way. Waiting is a big pain in the royal ass! Hope the blahs go away and a crop of eggs come in on the next wind!

  7. wheresmy2lines

    I am so sorry, I know the feeling of just waiting endlessly. I hope that things get a bit better soon.xxx

  8. thebao

    Ugh, that blows. I’m so sorry. I hope the waiting period is a short one.

  9. Danielle

    Rock meet hard place… hard place meet rock… Talk about being in a tough spot. I’m sorry your brazzilian donor got snatched up by someone else. It would be interesting to speak with the others who are on the list and get their honest info on how long they’ve been waiting to help put things into perspective for you.I know it’s tough, but I also think you know your answer as to what needs to come next. I can’t read your mind and heart for you, but I think you know. It’s tempting to want to proceed with J. It seems easier… but is this just a moment of temptation or is it legit? Sorry i can’t answer that either.I just know that it’s damn hard sometimes to decipher and read between the lines. Is this one of those lessons where we have to endure the whole process to reap the benefits? Or is this one of those situations where a life line is being provided and we’re ignoring it?Do what you can to put the frustration aside and see if you can find the answer.good luckD

  10. poppycat

    Crap! Big sigh. Well, it is in fact a huge and overwhelming thing. Its not like you decided yesterday to have a baby and today you are signing up for donor eggs. It have been a long haul and I know you are tired and why. I swear to you like you swear to me that there is going to be a baby acrobat in your belly. Its true. I have lots of hope for you lady.

  11. reproducinggenius

    Even “just” a week or a day feels like an eternity when it means waiting to create your family, and I’m so sorry you have to continue this wait. Using your partner’s eggs wouldn’t be a bad idea, especially if you know they’re in good shape. As the others have said, why not talk to your RE about it? What a great connection you would both feel to that child if you could do it!I so want something to work out for you soon.

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