ambivalence

I am having a really tough time blogging lately. I am not sure why but I am guessing that I am having too many mixed emotions. The strange thing is that when I am nowhere near a computer, I think of things to blog about all the time.

So we met with Potential donor man. He was as nice as I recall and is very willing to be helpful. He is pretty hippy-ish. He has done this before and knows the drill. He got all his testing done (we paid) and we got a contract together. He signed and last night was the first insem with J. It all fell into place easily which I usually trust as a good sign. This time, not so much. I am just left with this weird inner icky feeling. I can’t decide if I DON’T trust the known donor thing because it’s too easy: if I am so attached to the donor egg thing that another path feels wrong: if I am just grossed out at how very close I am now to a rather random man’s “essence”: or some other things I can’t put into words yet? I had to laugh at Olive’s suggestion that our home insem attempts as we wait for donor eggs was a version of the “maybe if you just relax” idea. It felt like that to me but now that I am actually living this path, I am finding that the silly fun feeling about it is gone.

Oh, and I have called *amy* (head frozen donor egg lady) TWICE this week to find out our current place on the waiting list. She has not called me back yet. I only ask this question once a month, surely she does not find that frequency too pushy? UPDATE: Amy is on vacation this week. Kelly called me back. I cannot recall exactly who she is: embryo lady? overall coordinator? She said that we are FIRST on her list. Yippee!! She said that she has to talk with Amy on Monday and that the whole team will be staffing cases at the start of the week. She said she will call me Monday evening or Tuesday. She also said something about putting together profiles for us to choose from. I am so freaking excited I can’t contain myself.

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9 Comments

Filed under donor eggs, the old fashioned way, waiting

9 responses to “ambivalence

  1. insertmetaphor

    That's funny, I just used a similar analogy over on halfadozen's post…now I feel like I'm repeating myself a lot :)I'm sorry the fresh insem led to gross feelings. I can understand why it would be all wrapped up in emotion.I am so thrilled that you're #1 on the egg donor list! This is so very exciting. Profiles! Woo!

  2. anofferingoflove

    *jumping up and down* so excited that you've moved to #1 on the donor egg list!! thats awesome news! sounds like with all that you are doing right now, your baby will be here in no time (& i cant wait to celebrate with you!) 😀

  3. reproducinggenius

    Wow, there is so much going on with you right now! You're #1 on the list! Woohoo! I have to agree with anofferingoflove–your baby is going to be here in no time, and I for one cannot wait.

  4. thebao

    SO SO AWESOME that you are at the top of the list! I'm so excited for you guys. Hooray! Can't wait to hear about the profiles.I'm glad your meeting with the potential donor man went okay, but totally understand the unnameable ick feeling. When we were considering using a known donor, it was hard to look at him without a kind of visceral "ick" reaction.

  5. tbean

    That is AWESOME and AMAZING that you are number 1 on the list. I hope the phone rings TOMORROW!!!

  6. tireegal68

    wow – so exciting about the donor eggs and being at the head of the class! I guess I must have missed the part where you are using a known donor with your DW. Lot's going on!I remember the first ever time that we insemmed I felt incredibly icky knowing that after all these years of avoiding sperm I had willingly and knowingly invited some inside me! I know it's not the same as a KD though.I can't wait to hear about the eggies and the profiles!I don't know if I told you but our new egg donor is out of the country for July and we hope to do the business in Augus -although she has yet to do her tests and it is almost July. Hurry up and wait already!Feeling full of hope for you!Yeah!

  7. Best When Used By

    I hope things with Donor Guy sort themselves out for you. I can see how you might have a range of feelings about it. I am personally hoping that BOTH you and J end up pregnant! I am so excited that you are now FIRST on the donor list! Any time now…any time!

  8. Best When Used By

    Hey! cool new look to the blog page!

  9. poppycat

    – That KD thing gives me a lot of mixed feelings too. You will figure out what is best for you though. – Yippieeeee! First on the list!!!- I keep a notebook in my handbag and jot down those post ideas as they come to me because I NEVER remember them when it comes time to post.

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