J and I had a consultation with our RE today. First we talked about our failed DE cycle. After every one of these sessions I am left feeling dissatisfied. I want a REASON. I want to know what went wrong. Instead we always we get an answer like, “Well it could have been ___ or it might have been _____.”
Our RE did say that she was surprised that we did not have any embryos left to freeze and she said that with this next cycle, she will try to get us more eggs. Also we agreed that she will choose our donor based upon who has the best eggs. All good things. She also thought it was odd that I keep not getting pregnant when my lining looks good. We talked a bit about J carrying but in the end decided to go with my uterus again.
So I will keep taking the BCPs and will begin Lupron in about a week. Then I will add in Estradiol and Progesterone injections. Same protocol as last time. Tentative transfer date November 19.
I must admit that I am feeling anxious about this cycle. I have no idea where my calm Zen place might be hiding. I am fearful and I have lost confidence in my body. I need a serious infusion of Hope. Any ideas where she might be hiding?