Let’s talk about twins. Seriously, let’s talk. To be honest, I never thought Joey and I would actually end up with twins. I know that statement sounds incredibly naive as long as I have been around the blogs and the fertility clinics but it is true. Each time we geared up for an embryo transfer, I dutifully told the RE that Joey and I were ready for twins and all the potential that went along with multiples. I laughed with people that Joey and I would have a “litter.” BUT deep down, I did not anticipate that both embryos would stick and grow. I was all about transferring 2 embryos to increase our odds of getting a baby and I told people, “What happens, happens. We will be fine with twins.” I even remained fine as Joey had mega beta numbers and we speculated about twins.
But, then we saw those 2 tiny babies on the monitor and I started pricing daycare and baby stuff…. and I began reading twin blogs with new eyes. And I freaked out. I did. I freaked in a big way. Joey even found some great prices on baby carriers on Craig’s list. She bought them and I carried those into the house for her. The freakout session escalated when I thought about having a baby in each of those little seats. A single baby with 2 moms? That seems like a do-able challenge. 2 babies and 2 moms = scarytime. Don’t get me wrong. I never for one moment regretted our decision but the reality of 2 INFANTS set in. I was/ and am worried on 2 fronts: 1) price and 2) sheer workload.
Twin baby stuff is expensive. You might think a single baby stroller runs about $100 so a twin baby stroller should run about $200 (or maybe even 150) and you would be WRONG. oh.so.wrong. Think $300. The price of crap does not increase proportionally: it increases expenentially and that just seems wrong. Oh, and scary. And babies need stuff… lots and lots of stuff. Stuff we don’t have yet.
Secondly, I like to sleep. I like to eat. I like to shower. I like to garden and I like to spend time with my partner. How will those things happen when 2 tiny babies are counting on Joey and I to take care of their every need? Seriously– every little need. And what if we suck at parenting? And what if the babies hate us for bringing them into the world with 2 mommies? And what if they get sick or hurt? And what if they love Joey more? And what if they love me more? And what about family: how are we going to keep that whole extended family thing in balance? On and on and on… the thoughts kept swirling around my head when I tried to sleep or work or …..anything.
I think the worry finally wore me down. I snapped. I bought several multiples baby books and I created a list of household,yard work and baby-prep chores to be done by day. I do what is on my list. I take care of my partner. And the worry has become more like background noise. I love those babies. They are now 8 weeks and 1 day old and I pray pray pray that they are both born healthy— and that my Joey is also okay. Because to get a baby (or 2) but lose my wife (in my heart, not by law) would be a cruel twist of fate. And no, I have no good reason to worry in that direction— but I do worry. I suppose this worry is the benchmark of love but man, it can be such a bitch, this love thing!
And on to other twin thoughts: TELLING US THAT WE DON’T KNOW WHAT WE ARE IN FOR IS NOT HELPFUL!!! I know this is a misplaced rant, but I wish people would just shuddap with the dire warnings already.
And why, why why why, do people feel the need to get all snarky when I say I want to cloth diaper our babies? The newer cloth diaper systems that seem to be quite decent and yes, there is ickiness involved. But I like the idea of my babies having cloth next to their skin and I hate the thought of all those disposable diapers in the landfills. I will not say that a disposable diaper will never touch the precious bottom of either of my children but I also don’t see why cloth diapering is such a weird and wild concept? My mother cloth diapered me and my aunt cloth diapered her twins. Surely this is a do-able challenge. My sister said, “Oh you liberals, always trying to save the planet.” To which I responded, “Oh you conservatives, thinking we can pollute endlessly without consequence.”
Why also do people ask me what we will do with our dogs and cats? My response is always the same. I pretend to be confused and say, “What do you mean?” The person then feels the need to back pedal and talk about expense. I respond that Joey and I will continue to find a way to meet our responsibilities to our pets and our children. Ok, if we could NOT make it financially, I would find homes for some of my animals but c’mon these animals have been my children for a long time. My parents did not get rid of my brother and sister when I was born. So why should I get rid of all my “firstborn”?
Formula. People keep telling us that we should start stocking up now. 1- I am not sure that I want to feed my babies formula that has been in my house for 7 months. 2- we are breastfeeding– both of us. Surely we can come up with enough milk for 2 babies among 4 breasts? And if not, I feel quite certain that I can run to the store and pick up the supplemental formula as it is needed. I do not plan to make my house into some sort of weirdo twin bunker, filled from floor to ceiling with items we might use like disposable diapers in every size and random baby formula. I will be buying enough of the things we need and I am certain those things will fill up plenty of our “extra” space. If people want to be helpful, they can buy us some gift cards to places that sell good baby stuff or gift/loan us gently used baby items. Again, I am preaching to the choir here and no one who actually NEEDS this lecture will ever read it. But it makes me feel ever so much better to get all these thoughts out.
And now, the calm part. I really am okay with the twin thing and most people are very excited and supportive. I just find myself amazed at the odd things that people say and think about this pregnancy. I am also being something of a scientist about my own reactions: some days I feel as though I am watching myself acting and thinking all crazy with the new and real idea that I am going to be a mother to 2 babies. for real. (Oh yeah– and Joey will too.)
By the way, as she was feeling itchy, tired and nauseated yesterday, Joey looked at me all serious-like and said, “You better be glad this is twins because I don’t plan to do it ever again.” So, I made her some cupcakes.
**I promise that I am not ignoring the sweet requests for u/s pics. The issue is that our u/s tech was more interested in looking at Joey’s SCH and ovaries than in taking a decent picture of the babies. Try as I might to edit and improve them, the u/s pics just look like sea monkeys. We will be going to our OB appointment on the 24th. Hopefully I will have good pictures to share then.