Ok, I admit it. These babies aren’t even born yet and I am a bad parent.
As I stood in the ultrasound room, Baby B (ever easy to scan) gave up his gender in the blink of an eye. I gasped out a “Yay! it’s a boy Joey!” And I meant it. I was excited to have our picture perfect family with 1 son and 1 daughter. Finally something went according to MY plans. *And God laughed at my folly.*
Then we went to look at our “daughter” Baby A, except that Baby A was not being helpful. First my little yogi sat cross-legged, then he alternated feet in front of the area in question and finally he put a hand in front of the area like soccer players like to do. The tech had Joey roll this way and that and pressed on her belly endlessly. And finally, we saw our second twin BOY. In that moment I could feel Joey’s eyes on my face and my face going into crisis management mode where I paste on an “all-is-well” smile. I feel bad about it but my heart did sink a bit… not because I don’t want boys.
I think the feelings that coursed through me were about having yet another re-arranged expectation. I had a private session of asking the universe why nothing in the TTC dept ever goes as I like and why I ALWAYS have to make the lemonade. And then I chose not to think those thoughts. They weren’t helpful and they made me feel dirty. In fact I still feel guilty about that long hour’s worth of disappointment. I am beyond grateful that the babies are healthy.
I do like the idea of our boys. I am good at boy-games and of course these are MY guys. And the important news from the scan: everything looks great. The boys should weigh about 3.5 oz and they weigh 5 oz! Both boys were a couple days ahead in development. Both had strong, rapid little heartbeats: I could see their little four-chambered hearts on the monitor. And the really cool part, I could see their brains. Literally, we could see the lobes of their infant, in-utero brains. The real anatomy scan happens early next month and that will be fun.
16 weeks and 6 days