I wonder

I am sitting on the bed this morning far past when I have normally rushed off to work. Normally I would feel stressed out even considering this state, but today I am filled with a gentle contentment. My orange cat, Oliver, decided to climb onto my legs for a cuddle this morning. He is warm and soft and he periodically looks at me in the self-satisfied way that only a cat has. I don’t want to move. This moment is special and ephemeral. I am filled with such love for this silly, generally poorly behaved cat Joey rescued in the winter- yet somehow he bonded to me. And so my mind begins to wander to the future. I wonder at how much love I will experience in just over 2 months? How much will I love our baby boys? Will I ever want to do anything aside from holding them? Will I sit on my bed on a Thursday morning just watching them sleep because I can’t bear the thought of moving away? It all seems so surreal at times. I have a sense of *really* Joey and I get babies??



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10 responses to “I wonder

  1. You really do, friend.

  2. I loved this post, especially since I was just contemplating the same things the other day while cuddling my sweet (but bratty) dog. I feel SO much love for her, I can’t even IMAGINE how much love I will feel for our baby. It kind of scares me, to be honest. If I am so protective over my pup, how will I be with my son??

  3. tbean

    I love those moments with a furry cat on my lap where I am forced to just stop, relax, and live in that moment. And I think babies (and children, for that matter) are awfully good for providing that kind of present-ness.

    You really do get babies. Two of them. And soon. About freakin time!

    (But yeah, I think the same thing. Except it is 16+ weeks more abstract for me ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

  4. I like this post. : ) I remember that after the first night home with our girls, I woke up and went over to the pack & play to look at them, and it felt like Christmas morning. Twin parenthood (and parenthood in general) is tough, but that sense of wonder and incredible bounty is always here.

  5. before our daughter was born, we used to joke that we didn’t know how we’d love her as much as our dog. now, its like “what dog?” ๐Ÿ˜‰

    it really is the most amazing thing, you’ll love those boys more than you ever imagined possible. we marvel at our girl daily…watching her sleep, watching her learn a new skill…it never gets old.

    im excited to read your blog as you “get babies”! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. Aw, sweet post ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s kind of sad how neglected our poor kitties are now that baby is here.

    My son is 8 months old and I’m still like, “Holy shit! We have a kid!”

  7. Leah

    Yes – you will want to just sit and stare and hold them…my son is almost 6 months old and I was late for work this morning because he wanted to cuddle on the couch and I wasn’t about to put a stop to it!

  8. You do get two babies and you will love them in unbelievable amounts. You may love the pets less or maybe it is not less, but hmmm it sounds wrong… but the pets get a little less attention now that Ziya is here. I should quit typing and go pet an animal. Poor things.

  9. You’ll have the same “really, we get babies?” sense when you bring them home from the hospital, and for months afterwards. I still sometimes sit quietly, holding my sleeping son, gazing at him in sheer wonder. He’s really mine? My DH still dotes on the dogs, but I constantly shoo them away from the baby’s toys, play mat, face, etc. Poor things get scolded all the time. The hierarchy changes, that’s for sure.

    Two months and counting!

  10. poppycat

    Last night I sat in the dark holding my boy as he slept and cried the sweetest tears all over his soft baby hair and skin. They are coming Cindy and you can’t begin to imagine how much you will love them. I can’t wait for you to have that same experience with your boys. I’m really excited for you.

    Oh, and now that my disability checks are FINALLY coming in, I’m sending you that box! I’ll email you with details sometime next week.

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