Light in this tunnel

Or “My life without sleep”

I want to start by saying that we are still so very in love with our boys; heart, mind and soul. The body section is where we are having our difficulties. S and A are good boys– really easy babies. But they are still twin babies after all and the amount of care and attention they need is becoming overwhelming. On a good night, the boys go to bed around 11 then wake around 3:30 and again around 6:30ish. Seems manageable and yet each feeding takes at least 30 minutes followed by a diaper change and time sitting up to diminish reflux. So a perfect middle of the night feeding requires at least an hour. You can imagine how often a perfect feeding happens (like once a week). So sleep is a scarce and valuable commodity in our house. And sleep deprivation does not bring out the kindest, most patient parts of my personality (poor Joey). There are simply NO breaks with twins. My sister came to help out for a few days and her comment was that she felt that she was feeding someone nonstop. All these feedings, lack of sleep, cuddle times, stimulation, laundry and oh yeah our jobs, don’t leave much time for life’s luxuries like bathing and healthy meals. I am not exactly losing my mind but I would pay good money for uninterupted sleep… Oh and a clean house.

Now add in that our pediatrician found a hernia on Aiden’s groin which will require surgery on the 21st… And “tired” just cannot explain how we are feeling around here. Last year I decorated and had a 12 foot tree for Christmas: this year I bought a table top fake tree which I haven’t even decorated!!

Worth it: absolutely

I think I just want to document how these first 2 months have gone through an accuate lens since Joey and I have been talking long and hard about what to do with our 3 frozen embryos. I honestly don’t know if I could take newborn twins a second time….. But maybe a singleton?

And now the reward for reading my long whiney post. Picture!



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18 responses to “Light in this tunnel

  1. Oh Honey. I hear you. This is the HARDEST part.
    It doesn’t help any RIGHT NOW to hear ‘it does get easier’, because right now you need the easy to happen, like, yesterday.
    It’s hard. Really, really, really hard.
    Everything is non-stop and you have EASY babies! Imagine if you didn’t! LOL!
    Unfortunately, until they are old enough and weigh enough to sleep longer stretches and get their sleep/naps organized, you’re going to have to hang in there a bit longer. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will see some good changes at 3-4 months.
    Did you read Weissbluth’s book on Healthy Sleep Habit for Twins? It’s never too early to get them on a great ‘night time’ schedule. This could really help a lot if you haven’t already started doing this.
    I totally hear you on the more kids part. I could do it again if they were born at 6 months! But I think I would probably die if I had to do newborn twins again!!
    This is a place to document how you feel, so let it all out. It’s not whining at all. You have every right to be feeling overwhelmed. It’s natural.
    They are adorable and it’s going to get so much more fun and it will get easier.
    Call me if you need to vent, ok?

    PS–we didn’t even get a tree since we knew they would just knock it down and destroy it!! Can’t wait to see what they do to the tree at Grandma’s!!

    PPS–Would love for you to post how the breastfeeding is going and how the disposable diapers are working.

  2. Man, I know how hard one baby is, so I can only imagine the difficulty of two! You and Puffer and all the multiples Mamas are like saints, I swear. It definitely helps that they are so ADORABLE! Hang in there. One day this will seem like a little blip on the radar (so they tell me….). {{{}}}

  3. eeeowww!!! I can’t even begin to imagine how tired you are. I can’t. You guys are doing amazing job and what do you have to reward you? THOSE CHUBBER CHEEKERS!!!!!! SO CUTE!!!!!!



  4. First, they are too cute for words!!!!! Love it!
    Secondly, I can always relate to your posts lately. The silly things I keep doing due to sleep deprivation leave J and I shaking our heads. J and I had another fight yesterday morning due to my bitchiness. And I love my baby with all my heart, mind & soul.
    I have SO much respect for you for holding it down with your two cuties. I know it’s hard for you at times, but everyone keeps saying it gets better, so let’s make a pact to believe them! LOL

  5. Oh, and we want another as well! 🙂

  6. One more thing—we haven’t been able to do ANY Christmas decorating yet, so you’re not alone in that either!

  7. Claire

    I was waiting to read a post like this because I’ve read a few twin mums blogs and I can only imagine what you are going through. Yes it’s really great that they are cute – thank god!
    How are you both going to work? That sounds really hard. Is there any way you can get any more help – family? Friends? Hire someone?
    I know when I figured out that I would be up
    every two hours feeding and changing her it
    was a rude awakening! Just with one!
    Are you both breastfeeding?
    Sorry for all the questions! I have to say that isobel is 8 weeks today and it’s getting a little easier – or we’re gettingbetter – not sure which.
    Hangin there, ladies! Sending lots of hugs and love.

  8. reproducinggenius

    We hardly realized Christms was on ts way–and we just have one child. I am impressed that you’ve done what you have thus far!

    It all does get easier, and you will find a way to get some sleep. Meanwhile, hang in there, and enjoy those yummy cheeks on those boys! My, my are they cute!

  9. A singleton would feel like a breeze after this … you can’t overestimate the double strain of twins + ~first time.~ EVERYTHING is harder the first time, let alone x2. I didn’t have twins, but we got ~colic~ + first time and that first year was difficult in ways it’s hard to understand unless and until you’ve btdt. Nothing that came after that seemed even remotely challenging.

    We had reflux issues this time … have you tried sleeping them in bouncy chairs? To keep them angled up? For us it had the added benefit of one-handed rocking-back-to-sleep for those pesky night wakings (we kept him in a bouncy in the pack-n-play with bassinet insert next to the bed). Finally had to give it up recently … he’s gotten so big, the old bouncy was laid low by the weight of him.

    Better times ahead. Keep calm and carry on? OMG, can you imagine triplets? Quads? Kate + Eight? !!!!


  10. They really are cute little boys, and I’m glad to hear they’re “good” babies, too. I & N were pretty easy compared with other babies, but there were 2 of them, and D. and I were so busy all the time. I remember very little of the first few months, other than that we watched a lot of Comedy Central standup routines at 3 am. I haven’t talked to a single twin mom, including my own mom, who remembers much of the first year! I always know I’m about to meet a mom of older multiples when her eyes glaze over the moment she sees I & N, LOL.

    We formula-fed and were on a pretty regimented schedule from day 1 because the twins were low birth weight, so I can’t offer much advice re: feeding. But I did start using bouncy seats around this time to keep the girls close at hand and to tandem bottlefeed. Bouncy seats are a twin mom’s best friend. : )

    It really is a shock to the system to have your awake periods so jumbled. Please do make sure you’re getting enough vitamin C and D for your immune system. And make sure you’re putting visitors to work. No one is allowed to visit without doing something — unloading the dishwasher, running a load of laundry, changing a baby.

    Somehow I found a little daily ritual of getting out at twilight in the winter to walk the dog and look at the sunset from the top of the next hill. If it was too cold to get out, I just went upstairs and looked out the window for a few minutes. It was very calming. I still do it in the winter.

    Also, for the third year in a row (the girls were born in early Nov.), we don’t have a tree! LOL The first year the girls were newborns and the entire house was in confusion, the second year the girls were just learning to walk and the entire house was in confusion, and this year the girls get into everything and the entire house is in confusion. : )

    HANG IN THERE. This will pass. At 3 months the girls started grinning and everything suddenly seemed easier.

  11. I can’t imagine how you function! But the babies are beautiful!

  12. um…is it rude to say this post scared me a little bit? 😉 im already dreading the sleep deprivation!

    the picture is adorable!!!

  13. tbean

    I have to say, facing a grueling stint on bedrest, it was also scary for me to read how hard it is going to be AFTER I get through the hard that is this part. But, then again, I never thought newborn twins were going to be a breeze. Still, looking at those adorable pictures remind me that it will all be worth it.

  14. I totally hear you on the sleep deprivation thing. Our boys are also reflux kings and semi-professional poopers, so I get the whole feeding, changing, sitting up routine. I would seriously consider murdering someone for 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I love my boys SO SO SO much, but geez, would it kill them to skip a feeding? Just one? 🙂 I kid, of course.

  15. Amy

    Yep, this is hard. I feed the boys, feed my 3yo, feed myself, change diapers and keep the kitchen reasonably clean. I bathe everybody (myself included) every 2 days. That’s it. I can’t manage to even look at the laundry. Thank God for the cleaning people every 2 weeks – I eat beans and leftovers to afford them, but they’re necessary. Every morning, I move my phones, water bottle, etc. to the couch and plant myself there for the day. I CANNOT IMAGINE working too. I hope you can get some regular help!

  16. poppycat

    Puffer is right, this is the hardest part. Soon they are going to sleep through the night and suddenly, and without warning, things will get better, I promise. For now, use the kids as a one time excuse to not have to do all those holiday things you normally require of yourself. This is the first time EVER I have not sent out holiday cards. Fuck it I say! I’m using my twin mom card this year and kind of liking it!

    We are still on a 3 hr feed cycle during waking hours and I often hear myself saying “didn’t we just feed them”. Feed, burp, change, feed burp, change – it is never ending but like I said, it will get easier. It will!

    Those boys are delish!

  17. poppycat

    PS – sorry about his little hernia 😦 Button had a herniated belly button that was going to need surgery but thankfully it corrected itself.

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