Living NOW

Being a mom to twins makes like FLY past. Seriously, can we have known our boys for almost 2 years? How can that even be true? Being a mom to a singleton must be similar but I can only speak to what I am living. And what am I living? the most wild, fast-paced existence I could imagine. I look back at the person I thought I would be as a mom and I laugh at just how wrong I was.

My plan: be organized, house tidy, life planned, meals in the freezer ready to heat on a hectic evening, style maintained, tended relationship with Joey, parenting from my knowledge as a therapist, etc etc.

My actual life: chaos in a silly jumbled mess, usually happy, often frustrated, always rushed, guilt almost nonstop at the 100 tasks I am not able to tend to this second, generally worried about some developmental milestone I think the boys should be meeting vs worried about a new behavior I see that I obsess about.

I. had. no. idea. how my life would change because we have kids. I adore them. They fill my world and I would never go back. BUT I also remember that I used to be a person who could read a book, watch a movie or leave the house in under 30 minutes. We bought a minivan for pete’s sake! It has been in the bodyshop this week (thanks to an unfortunate meeting between the van door and the side of the garage- yay me!) and I have been missing the darn thing. I have actually said a few times, “If we had the van we could…..” Insert some time-saving thing like not packing a diaper bag because we have enough room to leave a pack of diapers, wipes and spare clothing in the van at all times. We actually make friends now around who is and who is not kid-friendly. I don’t have the emotional energy to worry that the boys will break your precious knicknacks or might lick your collection of state-spoons. I just wanna hang out with people who know that parents having a drink while watching kids play in the sprinkler is a pretty darn perfect evening. Oh and that most get togethers will likely end by 8.

Sometimes, I am doing something like rocking Seth at bedtime (he insists) or getting joyful unexpected hugs from Aiden and my whole world just opens up at all the joy they bring. Other times, I just run at the million miles an hour required to keep life running smoothly (or our version of that anyway). Now I look back and I wish I had been blogging both kinds of moments for the last 2 years. I wish I had shared the days when I thought that I might actually perish from lack of sleep. I also with I had shared all the silly funny things the boys have done. To that point, I will end with a sweet moment.

This weekend we went to a Thom.as the train event locally. The boys loved it. There were train rides, a petting zoo, dancing, a bouncy hut and general merriment. We had fun… of course until the boys got tired and we left the event with both boys screaming.. cest la vie! In any case, as soon as we got home, Seth ran to Barney (our Beagle and Seth’s undisputed best friend), threw his arms around the dog and began saying, “train, donkey, bunny, hop hop, sheep, play….” He was telling Barney all about his day in the most sweet, high-pitched, excited voice you can imagine. It was lovely. I cannot get over how fun it is to watch my guys experience life through their fresh eyes. Also it makes me laugh how much more my kids talk than other almost 2 year olds– it seems they take after their mommies.